Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
