If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
