I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
