We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
