Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
