He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
