The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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