Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize