I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
