I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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