The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
