it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
