do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
