Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
