please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
