I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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