Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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