At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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