All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
