How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I forgot wine drunk hurts
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
