two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
