You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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