i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
