I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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