listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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