he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
