i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
