you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
