don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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