remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
