Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
