I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
