I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
