He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize