I think my fart just growled at me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize