you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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