Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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