He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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