Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
