You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
