I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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