the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
