she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
