should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
