That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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