Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
