So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize