Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
