I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want her autograph on my taint
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
