And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
