Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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