What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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