you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
