There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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