he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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