i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think my fart just growled at me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
