i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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