I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
