it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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