It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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