**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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