Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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