GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
